REJOICE, Always.
I have to be honest, even though I have been home almost a month now, I still cannot believe the race is over! Re-entry is a complicated, weird and frustrating feeling, and leaves me pretty emotional and drained. Some days I feel so FULL. I feel connected with community, connected with our heavenly father and I giddily skip around with “dang Jesus you are so good” constantly circling my brain. Other days, I wake up stressed. I wake up knowing I have a never ending to-do list and roughly 2-3 already full weeks to complete them, and the enemy hits me hard with every lie imaginable. Maybe you are aren’t cut out for this… Honestly you have all right to be stressed, why even bother anymore?…..You are slipping away from God …… Anxiety….. Fear…… Doubt. Sometimes the lies almost seem too loud for me to handle, even though I know that’s a lie in itself. Throughout the course of Project Search Light, my road trip and even since returning home last week, my attitude has been poor. I’ve found myself being impatient with others, and honestly not showing the love of Christ to the people I’m closest with.
That’s not me.
I know that there is an amount of grace I need to extend to myself during this transition, but also there is the fact that each and every day we all have a choice. We get to wake up and decide if we are going to let our emotions rule us, or if we are going to set them at the Lord’s feet and let Him bear the burdens we physically can’t carry ourselves. Because even though our emotions are valid and we should feel them, they are not always right. We should give them the weight they deserve, but then also invite the Lord into our process because we can’t do it without Him.
Joy is a choice. This is something I found out first-hand in Georgia. There was one day I was NOT feeling it… I wanted to be right back in Wisconsin with my family and anywhere other than Gainesville… it was obvious. Honestly, ask some of my people and they will tell ya! This day I chose to be upset. I chose to sit in the corner on my phone instead of engaging with my group and having good conversation. I put my emotions and my recent circumstances above the people around me and above the Lord, and I shut down. At least 5 people asked me what was wrong and I brushed it off, like I was fine…. And I was fine. But I chose to not actually dig into my feelings and find out the issue and instead just pretended like nothing was wrong.
( I later figured out that I didn’t want to be there cause I didn’t want the race being over to be real, and it was such a smaller deal than I made it out to be!) After sulking for about 2-3 hours, I sat down with my journal and asked the Lord what I needed. “Persistence. Lexi, you can beat this… but nothing is going to happen if you don’t even try. Start fighting.” It was like the curtains of heaven opened and SUDDENLY everything made sense. Light bulb on. It was one of those instances where I knew what I needed to do, but sometimes as humans we like to be independent. We like to carry as much weight on our backs as physically possible, and once we tip over, we understand. God will always provide, we just need to sincerely ask.
“Rejoice always, and again I say REJOICE!” Phil 4:4
This theme of joy and goodness and rejoicing has been repeated a lot lately and something spoken over me during this next season at CGA! I’m so excited to keep you all up to date with this and to see where it takes me. My encouragement to you all is to ask the Lord what it looks like to be a joy and light in your community. If you have a day where you feel down, ask a friend to pray for you. Bring your situation to the Lord’s feet and be free from its chains. Cause we were not meant to be defeated, but to stand tall and proud in the freedom the Lord gives us!
* current favorite worship songs about fighting our battles with the Lord: *
-”Defender” By Rita Springer
-”Surrounded” (Fight my battles) by Michael W. Smith
On the theme of spreading constant JOY, I have a fundraising opportunity for you all! I will be selling these beautiful shirts through an organization called Bonfire. All profits will go to support my time at the Center for Global action, and you get a super cute and stylish tee out of it!
Want one? Go to this link, and quick! It’s only a 21 day campaign!!
https://www.bonfire.com/cga-lexi/
Thank You!!
