I failed, and it was so good.

Expectations can honestly be the worst, especially when you don’t realize that you have them. Through the last 2 weeks of CGA I’ve realized that I have put a whole lot of expectations on myself that haven’t quite lived up too since moving down south.

You have to keep it  together in class and answer lots of questions.

Class will be hard, but life begins at the end of your comfort zone, right? This will make you want to be constantly engaged.

Don’t appear weak.

Public speaking of any kind doesn’t scare you to death.

Since you’re attending a discipleship school, personal time with Jesus will be great every single day and you will always feel close to the father’s presence.

You’ve been set free from shame and self criticism so the enemies attacks won’t have any effect.

Your transition must be fast- make a routine immediately and stick to it.

Yes, you may be struggling, but other people are struggling a lot more.

 

The list goes on inside my brain, pages and pages of expectations not met, grace not extended and then I am left with a sign and a “try harder tomorrow”.

 

The problem is grace; the lack thereof. It’s a journey the Lord has been leading me on since the first month of my race. I can’t be perfect. I am a human being, and I should treat myself the same way I treat other people when it comes to extending and receiving grace for my faults. A friend reminded me of that today as she looked me in the eyes and said, “Lexi, you’re a human too. Treat yourself kindly.”

I get stuck inside my brain. I get caught up in to-do lists and bars set too high and when I fail, it hurts a lot. This last week in class we participated in some team building exercises. We had to complete all of them within a time frame, and ended up not completing them. We failed. At first my heart went to my gut and I became upset with myself that I wasn’t able to finish the task; the rest of the class look just as somber as I did. We then began to dig into why exactly failure hurts so badly. Because when you think about it, we fail every single day in little in big ways. We are imperfect human beings. But our entire lives we have been taught and shown that failure is bad. That it brings embarrassment and shame and somehow makes us lesser or a person. But in reality, failure is something we should celebrate!

It is literally a platform we can use as a stepping stone for growth and learning.  

 

When we fail, we get to decide. Do we choose to let it knock us off our feet and affect different areas of our lives, or do we choose to get back up and act? The choice is up to us… but the truth is that tomorrow morning we are all going to wake up and fail in some way or another. We cannot avoid failure, it’s inevitable. But we can choose to see it as something that pushes us harder towards our end goal instead of causing us to take steps back.

 

Fundraising update: I am still in need of a little over $2,500 in order to stay here at CGA! Will please partner with me in learning how to build kingdom??

ADOPT A BOX!

Pick a box and donate that number amount above!! Leave a comment which box you would like to Adopt.When the board is completed I will be fully funded! Also, 10 random boxes will be given a free watercolor painting!!