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A letter to my younger self.

Dear Lexi,

Oh if only you knew the things I know now… What a journey you are on!

 

Elementary school- a place for new friends and new experiences and learning more about the world and who you are! A time of innocence and good memories to look back on, but also where hard things will start. This is where you will begin to doubt who the Lord has made you to be- fourth grade, I know! But here is the deal- Those comments that are said about you, they’re wrong. The truth is they only say those things because they are insecure about themselves and want to take it out on someone else. Don’t let those lies take hold, don’t let them sink in. Be brave, Lex. I know at times you feel alone, you are scared of the future and cry yourself to sleep. In middle school, especially. You feel worthless, bruised, abandoned, broken. This is when all you have to do is run to your heavenly father, let Him hold you in His arms, you are safe.

Stand up for the causes and thing you believe in! I know it seems like agreeing with others and fading into the background is all you can do, but that’s not true. You are so much more than you will ever be able to comprehend. You are doing good. The Lord has placed a passion and calling on your life for a reason- go after it! Don’t let other people influence your judgement and lead you into things you know deep down you shouldn’t be doing. Resist. Fight. Remember that through this transition into High School that your parents are by your side fighting FOR you, not against you. Their baby girl is starting to grow up and they are going through a big transition as well, choose grace instead of anger. Let them help you instead of always trying to do everything on your own, because you can’t. You need a community around you that is going to fight right along your side, and you will find them soon!

 

My encouragement to you is this: fix your eyes on Jesus. I know you already know this, but you can’t just believe it, you have to apply it. He is the author and perfecter of you and He has you in the palm of His hand. Dig deeper. You are halfway through High School now. Your knowledge of the world has expanded and you are searching. You see it in yourself and your classmates… there has to be something more! Some people around you will try to find in in sports, relationships, a job, friends… but none of this will truly fulfill them or you. Only the Lord will truly fill that hole in your soul. He is waiting Lex. Arms open wide… all you have to do is ask! You will begin to let Him hold you. Your hunger for the Lord will start slowly and then take off as you and your friends begin to understand that this is what you were all searching for. But it’s not easy sailing from here, I’m afraid. Senior year you will connect with a lot of beautiful people who will encourage you in your faith, but you will begin to realize things about yourself that you are not yet ready to unpack: you struggle with identity. You let others opinions way to heavily.You are hungry and thirsty for the Lord, but you have one foot in the water, and one on shore. Take that next step into the unknown, see what the Lord can do there! Wow- you’ve graduated from Valley Christian School, which has been your life for the past 12 years… and now you are going to be a missionary for a year. You will have NO IDEA what you are getting into! You board the plane to training camp with all of the emotions- excitement,joy, fear, worry. You will meet your squad and future family for a year and experience joy and deep sadness there. You will experience a team change and saying goodbye to dear friends one week in. You will cry a lot and doubt being there. But you will also have dance parties, late night conversations that fill you to the brim and leave ready for this nine month adventure! One month later and you will be in Atlanta, GA about to launch for the World Race. Along this journey you are going to grow in ways you never would have imagined. You are going to become a completely different person and mature into a woman who has her eyes fixed. You will cry more than you ever thought possible. The Lord will break you and take those pieces and mold them into something beautiful; broken vessel into a beautiful mosaic. You will try new things and you will fail. But those failures are going to be experiences that help you grow and mature. Your squad? You have no idea the impact they are going to have on your life. They are going to push you into uncomfortable places but also be some of the most intentional, caring and safe people you have even met. You will share things that you planned to take to your grave, and you will experience true freedom. You will begin to see that you are not worthless. You are not a bother to people, and you are not unwanted. People love and care about you, and beyond that you have the Lord who never ceases to fight for you each and every day. Keep pursuing Him, every single day. Remember that grace requires nothing of you, Rejoice in the hard times. Pray without ceasing. Love hard and never compromise who you are in Christ. Keep trusting in the Lord and His promises- there’s so much goodness in store!

 

  • Your future self, Lexi.